face
i can never see my face
face
i can never see my face like i see your face

shut your eyes
i am an empty entity
my thoughts are sounds
there are no images
a dark void with spots of colours
stretching to some infinity
i cannot see my face
i cannot see your face

i am i and the other

some shadow of a doubt
some amnesia of the soul
some past memory of the future
some destined possibility of infinity
within me

Goodbye Don Juan

watch once.
watch again with your eyes closed.

between you and i
i'm as close as it gets.
a picture that has nothing
a picture that has everything
at the given moment
i'm nearing you
i'm nearing you
if
i can go back
would i do something differently
with the knowledge of my present future?
i'm nearing you
consciousness does not mean a will to do
a regret?
regrets are meant to mock you
a mockery to remind you how pathetic you are face to face with reality
how hard will i laugh when i'm mocking myself?
how hard will i cry when i have to cry?
hands can reach out to the skies
but they can never touch the burning sun
i'm nearing you

i want to die in Paris.
i fell in love in Paris.
it was where a love story that I thought would only happen in melodramas began
or ended
Derrida screwed his peers in Paris
Repetition is worshiped in Paris
i didn't drink coffee
Monet, Merleau-Ponty, Deleuze, Godard, Beckett, Debussy, Satie in Paris
Brook became an old senile man in Paris
Artuad immortalised in Paris
Lacan stared at his mirror
i didn't reach the summit of the Effiel tower
when i closed my eyes, i could remember the concrete i walked alone at midnight
the blurred faces, the imagined profiles, the traces of memories
found the link between Lourve and Pompidou
i want to die in Paris
and fall in love again in Paris
where there won't be memories
but everlasting absence

most of them died in Paris
let me die there too
rest in chaos

as the rain pours
when the rain poured
if the rain had poured
i wish i am, was, would be
standing in the rain

sometimes i feel like doing something but i never have the courage to do them
take my bag and run off to somewhere
do the things i promise to do
dare to dream and make my dreams a reality
say some words to someone
run into the rain and play
fall in love and believe in it
say sorry and forgive myself
tell my parents how wonderful they are
be a little more honest
make that all important first step to everything
perhaps my greatest weakness is my fear
my fear that once i forgive myself
i would end up forgiving everything i do
and forget that i ever did wrong
perhaps
if i think a little deeper
actually...i do not know what i want
either i am pretending to know what i want
or i am refusing what i want
maybe
none of the two
just someone
who does not know how to be honest
and forgive himself

if i could take one step forward, i could have reached the moon. but since i took one step back, it's an endless retreat

i'm falling
falling
falling
falling
falling
falling
falling
falling
falling
calling
you
there will be no crushing of bones
there will be no shattered pieces
there will be no crying
just falling
falling
falling
falling
falling
falling
falling
falling
falling
calling
my
self

i step into the hollow of a church
i do not hear the choir
i do not hear the pipes
i do not hear the benediction
is the pastor preaching?
i hear only the hollow of my skull
since i am given a voice to hear
why am i not given a voice to speak?
is there a pulpit for me to stand?
is there even a bench for me to sit
a cushion for me to kneel
a floor for me to fall on
a moment of peace to confess
i am dumb
but i am not deaf

must the sun rise
must the moon set
must eyes close when i pray
must my voice reach the heavens of my imagination
must i be born
to torment myself with the sickness i am born with
must i grow
to multiply the seeds of my destruction
must the sun set
must the moon rise

i?
who?
you?
did love
before?
to face what is present
is to believe that the past was fake?
to forget is to admit
that

never
love
before
never
could
never
should

何谓缘，痴人之愚？
即无缘，何必相遇？
痴人既有无限之亢悲，
缘分既有无穷之妩媚，
缘与人，何须分别？
即无人，何必自灭？

核内生苦，核外受袭。
无言以示，无需揭示。
即无人，即无缘，
无色有色，乃无中生有也；
自有激情所困。
起始

hey.
smell.
a rainbow to thrill your senses.
hey.
look.
a trail to lead my senses.
i am following you.
with the tulips on your hands.
i am following.
hey. hey.
here and now.
there and then.
hey. hey.
i am silent
you are silent.
this isn't a field.
this isn't a meadow.
this isn't the country.
but you are here.
i am here.
hey. hey.
let this flow.....let this message reach you...let our hands connect...
let us reach out for the glow...let me speak to you..let me protect..
those tulips of yours. from me to you. let our minds connect.
from me to you.
hey.hey.
shall we?
do you?
do you not?
a breeze
of silence.
maybe not.
hey.hey.
are you listening.
perhaps not.
because
i'm not talking.

speak now. i'll listen.
my eyes on you.