where does this ocean go?

Vocal: Ilaria Graziano
Words: troy
Music: Yoko Kanno

all day the city's selling something
always, the busy people spinning 'round
busier
dizzier
'til they go back home to somewhere

and taxies stop to say "hello"
"want a ride? I'll take you there"
"to anywhere, just tell my driver"

the sun is casting shadows
an afternoon is fading
I ask, but no one knows
the answer to the question
my life is like an island
where does this ocean go?

shyly, a wino sips his wine
slowly, cause to him that is all that matters
he sees a cat he knows so well
now sleeping on a bench together

a woman waiting by herself, selling flowers
"please buy some, so I can help my daughter, will you?"

the man with spider eyebrows
is standing on a corner
"who wants to see a show?"
his head looks like a melon
he turns into an alley
then stops to blow his nose
sky is filled with neon
the buildings stand electric
and almost seem to glow
want answers to the question
my life is like an island
where does the ocean go?
I really want to know
my life is like an island
it's time for me now to fly
where does the ocean go?

throw your rubbish into a bag
tie it up
throw them down the chute
and it disappears
from memory
what have you been throwing?
can you remember what you threw yesterday?
doesn't matter right?
someone else will take care of it
maybe
if you were an archaeologist of the 23rd century
you would probably find heaps of plastic pillars
and marvel at the brilliance of an era gone
that is if we get past 2 centuries of decadence
someone else will take care of it
maybe
since you won't live long to see it right

life is like a plastic bag full of rubbish
you get buried some day
and soon you'll be forgotten
when everyone gets buried like you
so choose biodegradable bags from now on
or get yourself incinerated
at least save some space for the future
your remains won't stay long enough to become crude oil
so be like air.
and rise to the atmosphere
be closer to the top
and look over creation and destruction
pity us
and give us some rain
form clouds and cover us from the UV rays
let us feel safe again
truly
and not lies to gratify ourselves
"all is well"
indeed
because sooner or later
someone or ourselves,
will throw bags down the rubbish chute
and be forgotten
by the ones who throw them
what happens next?
someone will take care of it
maybe

你有说不出口的秘密吗？
do you have an unspeakable secret?
秘密，也许很讽刺，但那也是你最想说出口的话吧。
won't it be ironic that your secret may just be what you've always wanted to disclose.
秘密也许不是秘密，
this secret may not be a secret,
因为最单纯的秘密是连自己都能隐瞒的事实。
when the purest of secrets can be hidden from the bearer of the secret.
你的秘密是否正是如此？
is your secret like this?
还是那是一个渴望，
or is it a desperation，
一个停留在口边的一番话？
which resides at the tip of your tongue?
那不是秘密。
that is not a secret.
那是沉默。
that is silence.

Konna ni Chikaku de
Romanji:
koi ga setsunai to sugu soba de kizuita ano yoru
datte hoka no dare yori anata no koto wo shitteiru kara
itsumo no sarigenai yasashisa sae
kono mune wo shimetsuketeku

konna ni, konna ni, chikaku de mitsumete mo
doushite, doushite, tada no tomodachi na no
donna ni, donna ni, tsuyoku omotteitemo
tsutaerarenai
You don’t understand
I’m so in love with you

genki nai yoro to anata kara iwareta shunkan
namida koko sue kubi de nebusoku kara de iiwakeshita
ichiban taisetsu na hito ni uso wo kasaneteku ima no watashi

mainichi, mainichi, mune ga kurushii kara
ikutsu mo, ikutsu mo, nemureru yoru wo koe
hajimete, hajimete, deatta ano hibi mata
modoreru no nara ii no ni
I’m so in love with you

aishiteiru to tsugetai ii to
mou nido to egao ni ha modorenai kamoshirenai
keredo tomodachi no mama tsugeri wa nai wa koi ijou
watashi dekinai kara

hontou wa, hontou wa, zutto suki datta no
itsudemo, itsudemo, aishitsuzukete ta no
anata ni, anata ni, todoketai kimochi wo
aoi sora e to sasayaku
I’m so in love with you

English Translation:
I realized that love was painful that night by your side
Because I know you better than anyone else
Your everyday kindness
Makes my heart ache

Just like this, I look at you from up close
But why, why are we only just friends?
No matter how strong my feelings are
I can’t convey it to you
You don’t understand
I’m so in love with you

It was a dull night the moment you said it
The tears that reached the tip of my neck were the reason I couldn’t sleep. (!?)
Right now I’m always lying to my most precious person

Everyday, everyday my heart aches
There are so many voices I hear when I sleep at night　(!?)
I’ve gone through so many, many sleepless nights
Ever since the first day we met by chance
If only we could return to that time
I’m so in love with you

It’d be nice to confess and love you
Is it impossible to go back to our smiling faces?
Although remaining as friends and not confessing might be better than love
Because I’m not able to do it anyway

Truly, truly I’ve always loved you
I always, always want to continue loving you
I want to send these feelings to you
I whisper them to the blue sky
I’m so in love with you

恋が切ないと直ぐ傍で気づいたあのよる
だって他の誰より貴方の事を知っているから
いつもの然リ気ない優しささえ
この胸をしめつけてく

こんなにこんなに近くで見つめても
どうしてどうしてただの友達なの
どんなにどんなに強く思っていても
伝えられない
You don’t understand
I’m so in love with you

元気ないよると貴方から言われた瞬間
涙此処すえ首で寝不足からで言い訳した
一番大切な人に嘘を重ねてく今の私

毎日毎日胸が苦しいから
幾つも幾つも眠れる夜を声
初めて初めて出会ったあの日々また
戻れるのならいいのに
I’m so in love with you

愛していると告げたいいいと
もう二度と笑顔には戻れないかも知れない
けれど友達の侭告げリはないは恋以上
私出来ないから

本当は本当はずっと好きだったの
何時でも何時でも愛し続けてたの
貴方に貴方に届けたいきもちを
青い空へと囁いた
I’m so in love with you

hold still and yell at the top of your voice
nothing is heard
nothing is understood
where are you crying to?
are voices raised up to faraway skies?
released at moments of despair
are you crouching and hiding your face?
face life once again
face your face

the seconds to cry upwards are as much as it takes for a body to reach the ground
do not be a fallen creature
a covered body with a muted voice
we dare not see the face again
we dare not face the dead
cry out
though the listener seems silent
voices of despair will not go unheard
raise your voice and let it soar
in the wilderness you may be
voices can go where legs cannot
do not fall
rise.

--

the colour is yellow
a bright sensation of lukewarmness
it is shining but it is not burning
a little too far to feel my flame
are you burning are you shining
maybe
but it is not for me
it is not for me
my flame is yellow
lukewarm
wood will not burn
caves will not be lit
my flame is yellow
only i can see
only i can feel
we are far away
we are different
always have been
always will be
i am yellow
no one knows i am
no one sees that i am
i stay where i am
i am where i am
i am who i am
yellow light yellow flame
silent shame quietly tame
you can blow and end the game
i am still the yellow flame



it no longer matters who walks away.
goodbye piglet
goodbye branch
i have no more honey
*flicker*
i will not burn again
--

dial 9 and any 7 digits after
no one to dial
take the next train home
you feel lonely as you traverse down the escalator
you feel lonely as you stand waiting for the train
you feel lonely as the doors open
you feel lonely as you stand inside the crowded train
you feel lonely as people alight or board
you feel lonely as you stare at your silent mobile
you feel lonely as you alight
you feel lonely as you traverse up the escalator
take the next bus home
you feel lonely as you board the bus
you feel lonely as you grab the handles
you feel lonely as you stare out of the windows
you feel lonely as you alight
you feel lonely as you cross the road
you feel lonely as you walk across the carpark
you feel lonely as you take the elevator
you feel lonely as you enter the door
you feel lonely as you enter your room
you feel safe as you close your door

when you talk to someone you still feel lonely
when you are with a group of people you still feel lonely
when you are home with your family you still feel lonely
dial someone, but the phone call will end some how
in the city we are lonely
the rain reminds you
the sun reminds you
the people remind you
the wind reminds you
your meal reminds you
the moon reminds you

this is not because He is not there with you
this is because He is here with you
therefore everyone else feels far away



one person's loss is another's blessing
for every good thing there is a bad thing happening elsewhere
for every wedding there is a divorce
for every baby born there is a death
for every falling in love there is a break up
for every cent donated there is a cent wasted
for every sacrifice made there is another act of selfishness
for every person who smiles there is a person who cries
for every pain there is gain
for every goodbye there is a greeting

Really?
Maybe.

i will not cry

wishlist:

i wish
i was

a drinks dispenser that serves free red wine
the one which has no label and people just take a glass to try

a christmas tree with a plastic-made star coloured in gold
the one that tourists and locals alike take pictures with

a self-help book with a religious perspective
the one that some religiously read for successful testimonials without any accurate cross-referencing

a floor mat where someone keeps a spare key
the one that is torn and wasted away from years of stepping on

a moon you never see in a day
the one that is probably too busy at the other side to take notice of her loneliness

a mouse trapped in a cage
the one injected with a potential cure for cancer

an androgyne who is undecided if he/she should go under the knife
the one who is pressured by his/her divided parents to choose a gender (mum wants male; dad wants female)

a packed train full of solely office workers
the one that breaks down, without lights and air, stranded in between two stations

a genetically modified cyborg
the one who thinks like a cyborg but moves like a human

a trembling motorist after fracturing his spine
the one who has a crowd gather around and do what crowds do

a cannibal who eats the priest who came to evangelise him
the one (i mean the cannibal) who kills for a need and since he couldn't understand his food

a knife that punctured a hole on a person's chest
the one that had just been used to cut red meat for the person's daily dinner cooked by the spouse

a dumb and deaf child going blind
the one who smiles after getting a lollipop to suck

maybe then
i could understand a little better
what it means to be human

my wishlist continues.

wonderful, wonderful, o so wonderful!
all is easy, paths are smooth, roads are clear
and majesty of some glorious new kingdom shines before the new horizon
walls of gold, pillars of jewels, windows of crystals
welcome welcome, o you are so welcome!

glory, glory, o so glorified!
the way is easy, the signs are clear, the company is merry
and the songs never ends
of victories, champions, and good deeds
you are here, you are here, and so are you!

glory to the nations and communities all here
gathered at the last border that separates life and death
glory to the smiling faces, the leaders and the rich men
dead certain of their everlasting life

Alas!

the prostitutes, the beggars, the lepors, the poor, the starving, the sick, the cursed, the tax-collectors, the thieves, the adulterers, the lustrous, the gluttons, the murderers, the incestuous, the gossipers, the back-stabbers, the liars,

where are you?
crying?
in the dark.
deprived. unsaved. wretched. charred. pierced. stoned.
scratching their poor skin to relieve themselves from the burning sensation.
where are you?
six feet below? mass graveyards and temporary tombstones?
where are you?
crying.
reaching for a white robe.
a dove comes.

come.
your way is nearer to heaven.
come.


have you looked at the evening sky
ashen clouds filling the cold and solemn looking ceiling
the sun breaks through
a lukewarm embrace of the land
with rays of light filtering through the kingdom walls
have you ever wondered?
how we can stare at the mighty sun in the evenings?
twilight.
the state when we are again close to heaven.

i am far away. a witness. with a burden. without the ox's strength. with a hope. without a plan.
i am walking away. afraid. convinced. an impossibility. doomed from the beginning. must guard. cannot succumb. i may offend. weird person. i am. but it must be done. it must be done.
i am an actor. an annoying presence to peace-makers. those comfortable. i must not be near. i must not harm. hurt. alone. such weird attitude. let me be. you are far away. i am. i am stubborn. i believe. i can't help it. i still believe. cannot compromise. cannot pretend. honesty. meekness. honesty. haha. please. how. cannot. the. end. cannot begin. fear. over. cannot say. protect. step. back. crazy days. crazy man. hello.

red is the colour of wrath
the passionate demand for anger's justice
red is love
without which there is no passion
see red and remember the covenant
of justice and love

orange is the colour of life
the tip of the fire that destroys and breathes life
orange is earth
the soil of beginnings and ends
see orange and remember the covenant
of harvest and thanksgiving

yellow is the colour of disease
the fever and insanity that infects us
yellow is mirthless laughter
the depravity of men to sin and still smile
see yellow and remember the covenant
of shame and conviction

green is the colour of youth
the oasis of joy and nature's second chance
green is peace
the sign of newness and forgiveness
see green and remember the covenant
of labour and regeneration

blue is the colour of baptism
the medium to cleanse our bodies
blue is water of judgment
to decree our condemnation or bestow His righteousness
see blue and remember the covenant
of humility and redemption

indigo is the colour of knowledge
the midwife who prepares the way
indigo is the gospel
the messenger to deliver the child
see indigo and remember the covenant
of grace and mercy

violet is the colour of reunion
the dialectical and paradoxical ironies of existence
violet is vanity
the beginning is the end and nothing
see violet and remember the covenant
of silent madness and faith

white is the colour of black
close your eyes and the rainbow is there
white is the Lord's robe
the robe of all colours and none
see white and remember the white Lamb
of grace and wrath

He comes.

leave my tiny confession to the end
the wind will take it along
the first will be the last
the last will be the first

it will reach anyway

tonight i want to glide
to feel the wind caressing me
passing me and hugging me
i am stationary but i am flying

i am flying anyway

is there a melody for this occasion
no one taught me why the wind must blow
who is at the other end
who is hugging me

i am loved anyway

is it howling?
what shall i call this song?
who is singing at the other end
i can never see you

i see you anyway

is there an open field
where i may take my first flight
when i fly high into the skies
i do not need wings

the wind is blowing anyway

is there a tiny cage
where i may live as long as i breathe
when i stare longingly at the window
i do not need wings

the wind will set me free anyway

when i close my eyes
i hear the echoes of my desires
the raging voices of conflicting propositions
i hear the trembling of a spirit
ready to be devoured by the on-rushing waves
i am slipping
flowing down the currents
crossing diabolical terrains that whiz past my memory
i cannot remember them
i can only stare at darkness
as a sweeping force carries me
to some distant past
some distant future
some present mystery
all into one
when i close my eyes
i hear silence
among others
my own whispering voice
can you hear me
i can hear i
in darkness do i find myself suck into a world
of drains, currents, falls, valleys and pits of bottomless ends;
or a rainbow, a flash, a coloured sensation, and a burning passion
like fleeting fireworks
brilliant while they last
can you pick me up
and keep me sane
after my remains fall back to some ground
even when the end is never ending
hide me
forgive me
and show me
when my eyes are closed
the needle hole

there is beauty within us
but i can't let it out
i wish i could let off some
be a flower
a period of beauty
be a baby
a period of innocence and vulnerability
maybe i shall still keep a bit of beauty
to protect myself
how about 30%?

there is beauty within us
but i can't let it out
i wish i could express my beauty
be a poem
lost in the sea of interpretations
be a music
searching deep into souls for a listener
maybe i shall still keep a bit of beauty
i do not know when i would need it
how about 50%

how about this little voice that says I am ugly?
how about this little voice that tells me to look at a mirror?
how about this little voice that says I am beautiful?
how about this little voice that tells me to look away from a mirror?

why must i try so hard?
why didn't i try harder?
i'm asking now
what's it really for?

it don't mean a thing
it only means whatever to you.

let there be silence
as if there isn't enough
let there be movement
as if silence compels that leap of faith
let there be means to reach some inward Beauty
as if a sleeping princess lies naked to the gaze
i will not admire
i will not lust
but upon her lips shall I rest my soul on
and may she wake
unto silence
with faith
and sees the toad as the kisser
the acknowledgment will be swift
the love will remain
and their bodies shall be destroyed
and all that are left
silence
faith
and love everlasting


our faces, like tombstones of our soul,
are superficial information of some alien beings
i cannot confess who i am
i am myself a grave of myself
a clown to the eye
an assassin of the soul
my wrinkles and pimples cannot tell you the trauma i had
my flushes of red cannot tell you the person i think of
my (un)moving mouth cannot tell you/me what i mean
i am my own kingdom
my face, the castle walls.
(all around me)
and i cannot see my back like i see my front
i hate reflections
and i am one myself
can my face teach me love?
if not can my gaze stop loving my own face?
i am, at once, hidden behind and behind my face
my insecurities frozen behind
i am lost with my face
without it i am not me
with it i am me
i am found with my face
i see you
do you see me?
i do not see you
nonetheless
will you love me?
will i love me?
will i love you?
will me love she?
will i love she?
will me love her.
will i love her?
will she love i?
will she love me?
will you love i?
will her love she?
it goes on.