there is no one in my room.

there are.

I am increasingly sensing (putting into words) that I am lost. It is to have such a tiny world in my mind that I cannot shrink my world into the bigger one around me (and beyond me). It is to not know what I want and still pretend that I do. It is to feel so spontaneously that actually, I do not like this randomness. I am a control freak only because I cannot control my emotions. Rephrase: I cannot control my emotions so I should be control freak. Ok..both don't work.
But what is more pressing is that this world of mine is so convulated that, though tiny, I cannot find my actual bearings in this world of mine.
World of mine. As if.

Imagine a few of me making sense of this single tiny world and they decide to go different routes to their own self-defined paradise (or hell). There. That's the best I can describe.

so yes. I feel the inertia in me because of this strange world of mine.
Maybe I should just escape to New Jersey and do philosophy of religion.