*Piano Concerto #2 in C minor, Op.18 - 1st Movement is playing*

towards the eagerly anticipated revolution. I am getting closer.
to the synthesis of pure chaos and pure peace
behind the shadows of doubt and anxiety
beyond the monsters of pain and dread
of seeing me and me again and again
I trespass myself to love and hate beyond myself
I am not I anymore
I simulate myself to destroy myself
I destroy myself to create myself
I create myself to negate myself
I negate myself to reduce myself
to bare essentials of myself
murder has not been so sweet till the forthcoming day
vis-a-vis I
there is boldness in that leap
which no one can follow
beneath the surface
you will not even find me
I is gone.


*Piano Concerto #2 in C minor, Op.18 - 2nd Movement is playing*

i returned. no...i braced the winterstorm to find what i believed was to be my home.
but i soon found the flesh and bones of Santa piled next a tree; but it was the clothes that I discovered first.
those red clear wool, torn and forgotten
covering the slow rotting corpse, with flesh firmly attached to the cold bones
i found no need to thaw it. It would find its own grave beneath the snow and ice.
the clothes, I found attracted to them. I took them, stripping the poor man naked.
let the snow be his blanket.
I wore the red, flashy costume, with a new vigour and warmth from this endeavour.
alas, the snow continued its pour.
I walked on.
there seemed to be a house in the distance.
forgotten man.
Santa's not coming home this X'mas.
the wind blew its silence
the thick terrain hindered my movement
but I walked on, forgetting the earlier labour.
who was I in this new costume?
anyone can be a Claus.
just murder who he was in the first place.
the snow storm was not going to end anytime soon.
so was the song that rang in my head...
"Silent night....holy night...."


*Piano Concerto #2 in C minor, Op.18 - 3rd Movement is playing*

the first philosophy is ethics.
the first law is love thy neighbours.
the first responsibility is to the Other.


anticipation.
The circus begins.
the masquerade
the carnivalesque
o boy!
can I play this?
can I play that?
how about those?
I hear the booming laughter.
Of course, of course.
They are all yours!
The balloons, the clowns, the stage acts, the sideshows, the Main Tent!

I am tired.
from this great journey.
but I continue. i continue.
I am taking my rest for the moment...
will I be able to stand and race again?
I am wearing the blood-tainted costume.

i am going in circles.
the journey is total. and infinite.
it is beyond and there.
there? where? here. where I stand. where i stand.
i am responsible to myself
I resolved (i had written 91 resolutions before and none i have succeeded) to be unresolved.
hence.
hence.
hence.
you will not know me ever again.
i am
not
i am
-----

there is no new thing under the sun - Ecclesiastes 1:9