let my mind hold
that madness would not take me
as if the first step taken had foretold
that madness must flank me

so my mind still holds
and madness draws near
but my weary consciousness is bold
and madness stays clear

so my mind is mad
but madness drives me sane
the spoken words cannot be read
but madness is my bane

.
i shall speak at once

;

and madness draws me to the unconscious mind that words cannot utter the hidden message of the soul. i am my own bane. i am at once myself and not myself. madness is my desire to reject my sanity. my sanity is my bane. that soul-less body that pricks the pores of my skin. an impending mercury intoxication, with the silvery liquid set to seep into the inner regions
i am dying. between madness and sanity. i am nothing. nothing as i can be.
i am my own slave. with my shackles i have chained myself. madness liberates me. sanity binds me. but madness binds me. sanity keeps me alive. i am at once both mad and sane. unable to transcend. to hope? i can. but where is hope when it is just a self-flattery, as if the gap is ever going to be filled. madness allows me to see. i am a foreigner. someone 3 inches away from the population. i am a native. someone within the locality of my existence. i am in relation to them. but i am alone. i am by myself. but i am with them. i am sane. sanity allows me to function among them. but i am not like them. but i am like them. i cannot freeze the pendulum from swinging much longer. if i must swing to one way, let it be swift. before the great torrent of change sweeps me away from memory and existence.
so i declare this pendulum as my sickness.

sickness unto...