#2 meditations

I was not in safety, neither had I rest, neither was I quiet; yet trouble came.
Job 3:26

if it be troubles that disturbs me, i can easily brush it away
if it be sickness that inflicts me, i can seek the medical way
if it be a physical disability that handicaps me, i can fix it with an artificial stick
if it be a sudden blindness that engulfs me, i can use the walking stick

but no.
it is not troubles, worries, sickness, disability or blindness that oppresses me

the days are loathsome
i am doing everything and nothing
the ways are perishing
i am resting and running

if it be not I
if it be not i to sleep
if it be not i to suffer
if it be not i to sin
if it be not i to enjoy
if it be not i to bless
if it be not i to worship
if it be not i

but no.
Behold, he is in thine hand; but save his life.

Save my life! why allow me to go through these nightly pangs
redressing these perpetually wet wounds
o! his talons bite deep
his unholy flame disfigures me
but i still live. i still live to curse my days

i still wake
a daily ritual
i still wait
a nightly ritual
to sleep and to wake
whatever the order

i scream to myself
i hear myself
i am myself
i live alone

So Job died, being old and full of days.

Alas, i await.
when all shall be made known.