second meditations

For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

But if I live in the flesh, this is the fruit of my labour: yet what I shall choose I wot not.

Philippians 1:21-22

it has come to my attention; this particular passage that should substantiate precisely the entries I have written over the past week.

to live is Christ!

for without Christ, I am dead, gone, doomed to eternal damnation, and I should live in this life as a worm crawling in the depths of caves, cravens and the forsaken abyss; all so familiar to those who know how wretched they are but could only put on a dumb mask in front of everyone. there is no life in me before, only a wretched time bomb, ticking away to an eventual end and self-mutilation; i am born to die! walking alone in the burning labyrinth, hopeless, faithless, cold within, burning without, with only my feverish sweat to soothe my thirst. capable of nothing good but death itself.

but to live is Christ!
the born again, the life that now courses through my organs, revitalising the once dried up wells of my soul. i am still wretched, nonetheless, but i am alive. through the gift of life and the beautiful promise. the salvation and the sacrifice of Your son. for my gain is to live again after the end of my life, to gain the final rest, which is the inheritance. to die to live. to dwell again face to face with You.

But I now continue my walk in the same labyrinth of life, and behold! the same surroundings, the same burning sensation, crackling sounds and the dark and threatening corners. but there is blood in me. blood spilled over me. a renewed vigour. a stubbornness. i still feel pain. i still feel weak. i am still tempted. i am still crying. i still fall. but i refuse to tremble and shiver till the flames should devour me and the cold should break me. but these are the fruits of my flesh, the paths I should take I know not yet. But there is a difference.

to live is Christ! to die is gain.
it is a marvel to be taught of this as the state of us all. we are all dead while we live in our flesh. that hell itself dwells within us and around us as we manifest that inward condition. but if we are to live, it is only through Christ. and death shall bring a true end to our dead fleshes that ensnare you. but live now as you have never lived before, the paradox of faith to look beyond good and evil but in the inward strength that drives you towards eternal life. the deciding factor that keeps you sane with all the insanity within and around us. you are alive and dead. but in the final death comes true life.

and truly only am I taught of this through Christ.
do not be Christians. but be born again.
In Christ, there is life. In death, there is gain.
the death of your body, but the gain of your soul.
Indeed, there is method in suicides and madness.