at best, it is here that I do not talk.

but at this moment, I talk.

because I have declared that I have not been talking.

but it is a double action, of talking and not talking. What has been written is not a speech. A documentation of a silent speech in my mind that takes form as I think and write. A thought and an act of writing. I escape myself as I talk. that was the earlier reason for not talking, because I act.

an alternative is to imitate the silent speech in my mind and remain silent. Absolute silence. the best of what I can achieve here is not enough. It is mostly achieved in my mind. And to describe the mental landscape is to make useless connexion of a process more profound that what I know about neurology.

so i cannot speak because i do not know what I speak.

perhaps there is a better method to this double action, one that escapes this double action to reconstitute the previous action into its own entity. But that is impossible. I suppose.

but within the temporal existence of a human life, it is possible. A life that destroys oneself (upon birth).

Consider that the speech (of mine) is spoken to be forgotten, and at times I may insist on the immortality of my speech by writing it. But my consciousness of my speech lasts as long as I live. My embodied consciousness relates to it as long as I exist. But let us not further the discussion of the embodied consciousness but consider that the duration of personal speech remains entirely up to the originator of the speech, otherwise known as "I", despite all the cannibalism I may choose to participate in by my citation and quotation of speech of others. And this speech does not last for me. So I am always going to be silent (anyway). I cannot hear myself after I die (assuming that there is no afterlife). But with the human body that I came into this world with, I remain, entirely, bound to the confines of it and the consciousness (and the unconsciousness) of it.

So instead of the perpetual (pretension) of the double action of silence and manifested speech, speech meets its inexorable end. It is the unbelievable end. It is the un-embraced fact. It is the unconcerned finitude of our instantaneous life. The instant of my life, is the instant of my death. The undeniable truth. The unassailable, non-negotiable and inconceivable experience that cannot be utter. I cannot describe my own death.

There is no instance of my instant of death, just as there is no instance of my instant of birth. One for one. One to one.

So speech exists within this one to one. within the rude facticity of existence. Therein lies my speech. Beyond and within the double action of speech and non-speech. Every voiceless silence is a speech and a non-speech.

damien bau

Therefore, I pray. to speak to myself and beyond. To no-one and to myself. To listen for silence. To listen for the beyond. To listen for the within. That is where we know who we are. That is where the Other is beyond and within. That is where the vis-a-vis occurs. And that is where Jacob fights.

paulo grey

and there is where I can say adieu to myself. where no simulacrum can mimic me. where I maintain the state of aporia. It is not to resolve the question. It is to maintain the Question, and faith can make (makes) the leap.