the best form of human existence is death.

it is when you cannot speak.
it is when you cannot see.
it is when you cannot feel.
it is when you are no longer responsible to the living.

and therein lies the irony. how can you exist if you're dead?

no. it is not even to say that I will merely perform my death.
I live once, just as I will die once.
but death occurs at every moment of interpretation, performance and repetition.
I repeat my death.
only because I wish to live, even if it is for another breath.
even if death is just a metaphor.
I die. to resurrect.
I do not want to die. It is forced on me.
I want to die. It is to manifest what I could be.

But at the instant before my death, when death is refused, it is then most painful.

there is an immediate acknowledgment of my (new) existence.
but there is also a posthumous existence that I will never know.
I am dead. The dead me cannot understand what is spoken about the dead.
The resurrected me, can only understand my (new) existence in my (new) universe.
There are no ghosts. If there were, they would be on their own, conjured by the living.
If I am spooked, I haunt myself.
If I die, it is to become someone else.

aye. that's the rub.
A semblance of the former, but insistent of being the latter, fully aware of a future hope of death.
In truth, we walk blindly.
"There is a cliff before you."
I take the step. And I perform my death.

But I am refused death.

A.