do not give me a golden coin, for I cannot deal choosing between giving the coin for some charitable cause or to use it for my own desires. unless those two meet as a single choice, (but even with that, it will always be juxtaposed with something else) it seems really quite a tough ordeal one is put through when the choices are equally marvellous.

Indeed, the strange psychological dimensions of our mind are not easily mapped and fathomed. I cannot identify my motives, much less understand them. They always seem at odds with each other. If anyone should tell me that everything is clear and distinct, I would very much suspect that he or she has never had insomnia. Or life has been so plain sailing that the last things on their minds are hybridity, paradoxes, oxymoron and irony.

so do not give me a golden coin. I prefer a plain bronze-coated coin. One of necessity more than desire. Water over wine. Bread over Cheesecake. That I may know so clearly the nebulous path I thread. All I need is that one coin to begin an investment. To make that one coin into many. And these many coins shall fulfill every simple necessity in my life. Yes. only those simple ones. The simple but often neglected aspects of our lives. The necessity to love. The necessity to drink, eat, breathe, sleep and to give back these necessities to those that need them.
If I had no wanton desires, a thousand wishes and a million wants, all I would ever need is You. With it comes the providence of necessities; the simple faith and grace coming together to create the harmony of my soul, body and mind. I do not want. For it is already provided: all that is enough to live and to die in this life; and after in our eternal life.

But I do have desires, wishes and a billion wants that are consciously sort after or unconsciously hidden. I am pursing things that I have no need. For all I need is You. remind me of the first things in life. That I may learn once again what it means to need You.