first contemplations

before my clueless mind comes to realise the total fruition of my natural labour (of body), and before the fatal attraction is allowed its full manifestation; a belated contemplation is always crucial to an enforced discipline in finding a space, which is an echo of the foregrounding collision between my will and my desires. This echo is, nevertheless, real, to the extent that it is an entity or space by itself and is still in relation to the two (will and desire) at strife.

At the root of the collision is my will to power; the triumph of the will to transcend a self-imposed categorical imperative that governs my otherwise clueless mind: retarded even; and all I am realising is the process of attaining the victory and ecstasy of blind faith towards this power. Empowerment is but the blind strings of the puppet to move. A puppet moves but it does not discern, contemplate and destroy the strings, in an attempt to move in the direction of a paradox.

By a paradox, I mean the great mystery of the belatedness and the echoing of the will and desire, at odds with each other but able to collide with each other and create that third entity or space of existence. Put it this way: the will to power is but the logical morality that instructs me with the law or system and my outward behaviour; and desire is purely seeking pleasure or being the aesthetics self that is tempted to please the body at every moment possible and unthinkable (it just tempts you). It is at this paradoxical entity or space, where I discover a whole new but narrow existence that I can be at peace, despite a seemingly chaotic revolving possibilities that surround me perpetually. In other words, I am tempted by both the will to power and my desire.

The will to power is not simple to understand at first. To will does not necessarily mean to think or to contemplate. The first love is in the future power and this power is about transcendence to the imagined realm of godhood: the ueber-moral and religious/ethical man. It is impossible. You lie if you believe that it is attainable by your own strength. However, it is precisely the will to achieve that powerful status that makes the movement almost necessary for some. Power is order. Power is transcendental. Always upwards. Immortality. Heaven above.

To contemplate is to move without movement; not to will to be powerful and not to desire to be pleased. To contemplate is to be at peace with all sides, all temptations and all movements possible. It is this plurality that collides at all angles and create that only one possible outcome: Peaceful Chaos/Chaotic peace. Oxymoron it might be but the thought process I am engaging here is similar to the Chicken/Egg. The genesis of all things. Void to create. Creation to nothingness. To give birth for it to die anyway. To destroy so as to welcome the new. Darkness to highlight the solitary light. The evil to highlight the goodness. Sin for salvation to occur. A defeated foe for a victor to busk in glory.

The narrow path is found in the paradox.