watch my back
it is not mine
i chase after it

always a distance away
i envy that back
it has a front that does not turn back
it does not know what is behind
teach me how
to abandon so quickly
teach me how
to ignore everything behind
where is it looking?
certainly it cannot be the back
certainly
i envy that back
that back encapsulated in a picture
the moment of eternity
(unless one destroys it)
while i am
stuck in moments of looking front and back
running stationary while awake
moving rapidly while asleep

when is the day i may walk confidently?

--

can you hear my prayer for you?
can you hear my prayer for me?
we are all foolish creatures
honest only to what we desire
bolting everything else into an old chest
ignored and left to be undesired
if we should open it again
should we be forced to
what demons will creep out or conjure out from its dark corners?
i feel for you
just as i feel the long sleepless nights
with floating devilish blankets that cover us from the light
are we blind?
we cannot be
as we feel the pain enough to know what is around us
are we then just shutting our eyes
afraid of the golden coin before us
the glory that both makes us tremble with fear and thanksgiving?
the light still seeps into the lid of our eyes
filling every possible hole through dreams and blankets
and we see the light
each in our little rooms
and
we'll never see the light alone

there is a season for pain and a season for joy
there is a season for blindness and a season for revelation
we venture into unknown places and return to familiar territories
and there is still only that one way to rest
and so we walk
every breath a step closer to it
until that last breath comes
we continue this walk
even when our cries are muted
even when our eyes are closing
our silent cries are not unheard
our vision is not blurred
we walk on
and
we'll never walk alone

--

but soon
i may turn my back on you too